What It’s Really Like Being Single During a Pandemic

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This post breaks down the two most common misconceptions of being single during a pandemic and finishes off with a short list of what it’s really like being single during a pandemic.

Whether you’re newly single or a seasoned single, not having a spouse during a pandemic has its own set of challenges. But let’s get one thing clear, this post is meant to empower you during this time not make you feel sad and alone. 

We’ve all seen the way the media has portrayed singles since the pandemic hit, and I call bullshit. Their tactic is just another way of putting single women into a box designed to push the agenda that being in a relationship equates to happiness. Because there’s nothing worse about a pandemic than being single, right?

RELATED: Being Single in Your 30’s: Challenging the Narrative

With that said, if you have been single at any point during this pandemic and feel moments of sadness, loneliness, anxiety and hopelessness that is totally normal given these times and all of your feelings are completely valid. But it’s also important to note that there are so many other factors at play making you feel this way, and the media plays a big role. 

In this post I’m breaking down dating and loneliness, the two most common being single during a pandemic themes in the media right now, and challenging them by showing you alternative views and what’s it’s really like being single during a pandemic. 

You are badass and amazing and will get through this, so don’t listen to them.  

You’ve Lost a Year of Dating

One of the biggest misconceptions about being single during the pandemic is the time frame the media has put on dating, making it seem like as soon as the pandemic hit dating became obsolete. From day 1 of the pandemic up until right now dating has effectively been lost, and single people are simply unable to date in any capacity. This of course leads to loneliness which we’ll cover later on.

This notion is simply untrue and has been designed to make single people feel farther away from societal norms. I have friends and acquaintances who have dated during this entire pandemic whether it’s online, a socially distanced hike or hanging out in separate cars in a parking lot with the windows rolled down. Is it ideal? No. Is it romantic? Heck no, but it’s life right now and when there’s a will there’s a way. Dating has changed but it’s not impossible, you just have to pivot normal dating practices like dinner and a movie and go for a walk outside with your dogs instead. 

Refinery 29 published an article on how the Coronavirus has changed being single in your 30’s and although I have to disagree with the dating aspect, the one point I want to mention is the pressure to have a baby before you hit the 40 year mark. 

I was losing a year of searching for someone to build a life with at a really vital time. Ideally I would want to know this hypothetical person for a few years before getting married and starting a family. There’s a creeping pressure that comes with this — no wonder I had been trying to ignore it.  

– Refinery 29

The pandemic has put pressure on having babies for women of a certain age, and this topic is something I will dive into in another article, but you can still date- just not the way you used to. As women we put so much pressure on ourselves to have babies before a certain timeframe because of our biological clock, but a lot of that pressure comes from comparison. Our friends and co-workers start having kids and we feel like that’s the next step for us, but in reality science has advanced and women are able to have kids safely later in life. There’s also the option of using a donor- that’s if you have the money to of course.

The point is, if you really want to have a baby the only option right now is to online date. Try and put yourself out there online as best you can, don’t waste your time with someone who isn’t on the same page, and get together socially distanced to get to that next step. The fact that things are so slow right now gives you time to figure out what you really want for your future, you might also consider things you never had before like being a solo mom.     

Single People Are The Loneliest Since The Pandemic

This rhetoric started right away. Literally within the first month of the coronavirus the media hit with stories about sad single people living in tiny apartments and questioning their life choices. First of all why are single people always living in tiny apartments according to the media?

RELATED: Are Single Women Happier? Questions Single Women Get Asked

Bella DePaulo, author of Singled Out wrote an article in NBC stating,

I fully acknowledge that for some single people, the pandemic has been a miserable experience (as it also has for many couples and families). But I am not one of them. Sure, I miss meeting my friends at restaurants and movie theaters and meandering through crowded farmers markets, and I would love to go get my own damned groceries. I have also lost a substantial chunk of income. But in other ways, I am doing fine, and nothing about the pandemic, not even after all this time, has made me yearn to be coupled or to even live with other humans.    

– Bella DePaulo

Being single doesn’t equal being lonely, married couples can also be lonely during the pandemic. There are more factors at play here like the strength of your inner happiness, whether or not you have a hobby, how you spend your time and so forth. This quiet time can give you the clarity you need to start a project, complete a project, or try something you never thought you would try. It’s the chance to enjoy the small things like being able to work from home and see the sunsets every night or go for walks on your lunch break.    

But are we really alone? If “alone” means spending lots of time on our own, then yes, people who are single at heart are often alone. We like it that way. But the more profound meaning, alone in the world, describes very few of us. Most of us have meaningful relationships with friends or relatives and we have nurtured them during the pandemic.  

– Bella DePaulo

A lot of people like being alone and aren’t lonely, they prefer it that way. It’s important for us to challenge these stereotypes so that society stops labelling single women as lonely and sad because it simply isn’t true. 

What It’s Really Like Being Single During a Pandemic

Here’s what single women are really feeling and missing during the pandemic, and no it’s not related to dating or loneliness. 

• Missing touch and romantic physical closeness
• The fear of getting older and wanting a baby
• Dealing with people feeling sorry for you
• Lack of independence
• Wanting to move out of your parents house but can’t just yet
• Frustration with how many people are on dating apps for the wrong reason
• Behind in life because of societal expectations
• The desire to see more friends 
• The desire to travel
• Missed birthday celebrations
• Missing out on really good outfits because all we’re wearing are sweats
• The lack of exercise you would otherwise be partaking in at the gym

Single women are mostly concerned with missing out on other aspects of their lives that provide independence, growth and mental health benefits. Any feeling you are currently experiencing is completely normal, but don’t let the media sway you into believing what they think you’re experiencing is true.

Stigma against single people is real and heartbreaking. If you feel shame or embarrassment about being single, please know that you inherited this narrative from a collective that carries judgment about singlehood. Remember that this thinking is flawed and untrue.

– Alexandra Solomon, P.H.D.

I hope this post helps you redefine being single, find empowerment and hope for the future. This last year has been challenging and your thoughts are valid, but they are often shaped by how the media portrays single women and you are so much more than your relationship status. 

If you’re looking for more support join the FREE Facebook Group – ReFrame HER where we discuss these topics in more depth, and challenge what it means to be a single woman. 

Other Posts You May Like:

• Are Single Women Happier? Questions Single Women Get Asked
• Being Single in Your 30’s: Challenging the Narrative