I turned 35 this month and as much as I hate to admit it, this particular milestone birthday hit a little harder than birthday’s in the past. Don’t get me wrong, turning 35 is a blessing some don’t receive but for a lot of women, myself included, it comes with its own set of notions. After a bit of reflection I want to talk about turning 35 and share with you a bit about what I’ve learned along the way.
On Turning 35: Indecision, Pressure, and Everything In Between
When I was in my 20’s everything seemed so far away. Time stood still in a way, and the economy didn’t seem as scary and debilitating as it does now- there was massive possibility. Fast forward to 30 and all of a sudden the real questions about your future start, fast forward even more to 35 and the questions have now turned into this nagging feeling of pressure. As we get older there’s this invisible to-do list we must complete, but who are we completing it for?
Lessons on turning 35
There are much larger, more important lessons learned throughout life that provide more value than ticking off action items on some to-do list. These lessons are what we’re going to talk about in this post. So if you’re feeling the same way, I hope the reflections throughout this post provide comfort, or at least a few ah-ha moments.
Turning 35 – Debt isn’t always bad debt
When I graduated from University I was 30. I spent my 20’s living in Toronto working full-time in retail and interning at a fashion magazine basically for free, life was fun but it wasn’t sustainable. I decided to go back to school at 26 and when I graduated with roughly 40k in student debt I felt this huge pressure to pay off my debt as soon as possible. I worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time and paid off the entire loan in 11 months.
While it felt good to get that 0 balance letter in the mail I had overheard a financial planner at the gym speak about debt in a way I never heard before. All debt isn’t bad debt. I could have cut the payments in half and putting the other half into savings, in the end I would have doubled the amount of time it took to pay off the full loan, but I would have had savings. Something I was now building from scratch. Lesson learned.
Travel, and travel a lot
While I grew up with English parents I had never been anywhere other than England and the U.S until my late 20’s. My view of the world was narrow and to be honest, I wasn’t all that interesting. I decided to live and travel throughout Europe for 6 months and can confidently say it changed me as a person, while it was nerve racking moving to a country where english was their second language, the growth you experience is priceless. I am now incredibly confident to go anywhere without a second thought, to experience different places and to adapt.
You can do things alone
Want to see a movie but have no one to go with? Looking to check out a new restaurant that just opened? Go alone! Why not? If you’re worried people will judge you, they won’t. Trust me, no one cares about what you’re doing any why you’re alone- most people focus on themselves and what’s going on in their lives.
Don’t drink too much
This may sound silly and obvious but I’ve been there far too many times, it’s not worth it and just don’t do it. Now I like to have a really great glass of wine or a fun cocktail, it’s a quality over quantity game. You can have a lot more fun and remember the amazing time you had if you learn to enjoy yourself in moderation. Plus it takes a toll on your skin and who wants that?
Your job does not define you, don’t stay in one you hate
This lesson I’ve learned more recently, I thought since I was turning 35 I needed to stay. Your job is just a job, it doesn’t give you more value as a person and it won’t give you purpose. So don’t stay in one just because it looks good or you feel this is the right thing to do of someone your age. Jump around, find something you really love, don’t waste your time staring at a wall 9-5 doing mundane tasks when your heart’s not in it. More than likely, everyone around you can tell and that’s not good for anyone. The same can be said about relationships but that’s another topic.
This too shall pass
Nothing is permanent and everything passes, so remember that when the good times roll around too and know that the bad times won’t. I remember being young and as a naturally anxious person any bad bouts of time felt 10x worse, over the years I’ve learned how resilient we are as humans and how good times come around so frequently, you forget about the bad. There are always lessons through seasons like that.
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